If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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