I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize