it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm passing your future prison.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
