Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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