You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
