We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
