Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
