So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
false alarm. still invincible.
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I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
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In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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