And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
