Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
