Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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