A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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