Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
