Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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