Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
