I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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