they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
