Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
