why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
