So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
