How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
