well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
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Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
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Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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