she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
