Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
