i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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