just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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