Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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