idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
