Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Someone came in the potted fern
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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