By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
