He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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