so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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