He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My bed smells like the plague
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
