I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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