ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
