Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
