I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
