He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
