just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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