So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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