dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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