My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
