I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
