I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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