I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
