is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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