Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.