I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize