Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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