You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
