I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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