my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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