Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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