The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
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So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
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Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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