i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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