How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
