I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
