i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
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there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
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he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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