I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
