Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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