Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
