I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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