one two three fourrrrnication!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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