Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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