i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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