OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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