one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
