The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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