Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
