I am in a vortex of obligation.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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