I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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