My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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