i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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