i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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