oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
