He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
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You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
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margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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