Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
