She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
