You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
