I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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