Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize