we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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