I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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