I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
