well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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